Monthly Musings
May 2010
Trust and Receptivity
For many years now, not one person in my life truly comprehends why I make the choices I do. My circle of friends and family have a difficult time understanding me because the lessons I have learned have taken me so far away from “life as we know it.” Today I will attempt to summarize my epic spiritual journey in a few paragraphs, to illustrate for you the latest revelation which has come. You will have to wait for the details until my books are completed.
I see that I am nearing the end of this long and arduous journey I have traveled. I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Though I know and understand that I have reached the spiritual state of mastery, which will allow me to create and manifest whatever I want from this point forward, there are lower bodies and aspects of myself which are fine tuning to this high vibratory frequency. I have consciously observed the miracles created and orchestrated by my Divine Self. I know this part of me is free and unlimited, yet the lower aspects of myself are still tuning in and up in vibratory frequency.
Though my spiritual journey began long before, the first major crisis which propelled me rapidly forward was the illness and death of my then husband. My life was travelling along one path and suddenly everything changed, and I had to reroute. Much healing and spiritual growth dominated the years that followed.
The next major leap came when I was guided to quit my 25 year career as a teacher. This was a move which I resisted and feared greatly, for my job provided security, and I was not yet at retirement age. Simultaneously I was guided to purchase a new automobile which I needed and desired. I was told by my guidance to choose whatever I wanted; no limits. I purchased a new Toyota Highlander, with a hefty price tag at the time I quit my job and career. I knew not what was coming next.
I was planning to become a full time healer and teacher of metaphysics, which to my astonishment never happened. Instead, a greater path was placed before me, which has lasted most of seven years. I spent much time alone healing myself and learning how to manifest what I needed in each moment. I was blocked from moving forward as a teacher and healer. This allowed me to heal any feelings of failure or need to prove to others who I was or what I was capable of.
Ego was replaced by the growing Presence of my divinity. This time of growth allowed me to BE, instead of DO, and find a new rhythm and flow in my life. My old interests, beliefs and ways of approaching life began to fall away. My mind and body were flooded with light, through kundalini activation. I found wholeness within and a connection to my divinity which now leads my life in the way that is greatest, even before I can see it. I have slowly and surely begun to trust and surrender to the higher parts of self leading the way.
Three years ago I began to communicate with a man halfway across the world. Within weeks, I felt a love so divine towards a man I had never met. When I asked why I felt this way, I was told by my guidance that he was “my man.” I was told that if I waited for him, I would not be sorry. Though he wanted to be my friend, he had no feelings of romantic love towards me. Watching my frustration through these times, my friends repeatedly suggested I find someone who was interested in me and would love me in return. I KNEW he was my man, and the love I felt for him was not steering me wrong. This commitment involved a huge spiritual leap. I overcame my fear of not being loved in return and discovered the pure joy and freedom in loving wholeheartedly without expectations of return. The spiritual gifts I received were unfathomable.
Just a little more than a year ago, out of deep compassion and love, I co-signed a loan for a very good friend, enabling her to begin a new life. Unexpectedly, upon signing the loan, she ended our relationship and cut off communication with me. After the initial shock abated, and survival instincts retreated, my guidance reassured me I was not on a downward spiral. I was assured I had made the decision to assist from the highest level of my being, and I would be taken care of. After some time, I could see from a higher perspective, why I would have created this experience. This experience was the perfect vehicle to assist in my growth. I learned to trust in the universe, and my divine self, to a greater and greater depth.
None of my major leaps were easy. Great fears of survival were aroused with each one. With each leap, I walked through the fear to the other side. In the process I learned that when I listen and allow my life to be led by the highest parts of self, the lesser is always replaced by the greater. I received more than I could have previously imagined. Experience, time and growth allowed me to resist less, and trust more.
Recently, my experiences have allowed me to release any remaining feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. I have made some significant shifts which have cemented a solid belief in myself and my work. I know there are unlimited potentials and realities within and among me. I am stepping forward as a leader and teacher of the new energies and the new world.
Last weekend, I was awakened from a dream by a light so brilliant and so bright, it startled me. The dream morphed into a vision. I saw this light moving towards “me” as a physical entity. I knew this was the vibratory reality I was soon to inhabit. The light contained a love so intense and all encompassing, there was no want. I felt totally nurtured and supported by the love which was encompassed in this light.
Never, in this lifetime, have I experienced the intensity and brilliance of love of this kind. Let me stress that my spiritual journey has provided numerous opportunities to feel love so divine, many times I have felt as though my heart would burst. To describe this most recent experience, can only be done through comparison. I currently feel I live in “heaven on earth.” This light I would describe as “heaven in heaven.” The grandeur is something that can only be experienced; it cannot be described with words.
Synchronistically, in the days following this experience, I ran across these words from Glenda Green’s book Love without End. Jesus explains, “Love commands the universe. Man resorts to control only when love is missing." Suddenly, inner light bulbs were flashing and clamoring to be heard! Of course! Love commands the universe! This is what the light was showing me. This light was “me” as pure consciousness, coming towards me, to be reunited with me, as I allowed it to take center place in my life through surrender. When I totally and completely release the need to control any aspect of my life, everything I need will be allowed to enter. Even with all of the lessons I have mastered, I still have a fragment of “survival instinct” operating in my consciousness. When this light reaches me, and I am encompassed in its totality, all lower aspects will be transformed, and I will “become the flow,” rather than “master the flow” in my life! Hallelujah!!!
Suddenly I saw the connections to the kundalini which has been working diligently during the night on my reptilian brain. Through the last month I was feeling this nightly, as liquid light bathed the area of my lower brain, transforming the animal instincts for physical survival. Now I understand why the latest “test” has been offered.
Recently I had “planned” the way things would work while I worked on my books. I had taken out a loan to live on and pay off some debt. I was waiting until my “ship came in” to do the needed refurbishing of my 100 year old house. This has been on the back burner for years. However, my healing room floor was sagging. I called in a carpenter to inspect the house and give a bid. I also had him check some foundational support beams in other areas of the house, and discovered that my plan to “put off until tomorrow” was no longer the plan from my divinity. I was being asked again, to trust in a higher plan; to take the risk to do the much needed maintenance on my home now.
With this realization, my first reaction was emotional. I felt the remaining “survival instincts” which rose to the surface when I knew the direction I needed to take. With clarity I saw the connection between the physical structure I reside in and the physical body I live in. I knew that by taking this leap, I would fully and completely embrace the new and unlimited reality which is my divine birthright. When I commit to loving and caring for my physical structure (home) in the same way I do my physical body; and choose to believe in my ability to manifest the money to doso, I will make another huge leap forward. It is not up to my lower self how this is going to happen. I need to trust that the necessary money will be provided.
With clarity I saw how I created my reality through the lack of belief in the love which commands the universe; and my doubt in its ability to support me in providing for all of my needs. We have been taught and trained to do this in modern culture. We think that if we work hard, and plan with care, when the money is there, we can move forward towards those things we need and desire. This is how life operates when the mind is in control.
Not long ago I realized that the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden is what we are returning to. All of their needs were met in the Garden of Eden until Eve tasted from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. When she did this, she allowed her mind to be in charge. She felt fear and lost that connection to her heart and to the unlimited supply of love from the universe. Love commands the universe. We limit its potential when we live from our minds and decide from our egos how life will work. We work hard, play little, trust in the ego and the mind; and close the door to miracles, synchronicity, and our needs being met miraculously and instantly. We all know we are supposed to choose love and walk through fear, but to what extent do we really allow love to be in charge, to permeate and lead our life?
The path I have walked has transformed me; not only into a new person, but into a new being. I no longer look outside myself for my worth. My security does not come from the material world. My security comes from my faith, trust, and knowledge of a world without stress and suffering. I live in a world where life is effortless; all I need do is surrender. My path is not for all. As Jesus said, “The gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life.”
I am so excited about my entry into this new reality and what this light beckoned to me, that this time, I have little hesitation at taking the leap of faith needed. Mind you, I am talking tens of thousands of dollars in faith and trust. I know without a doubt it will repay itself one hundred fold.
I see now, that my soul purpose involves paving the way vibrationally for others to follow, as well as teaching, encouraging and coaching others to trust the higher flows in their lives. Not until your soul nudges you, is it your time to follow these flows. Discerning the difference between the lower and higher parts of self is an important factor in readiness.
Today, the full moon is in Scorpio, with mercury retrograde, and the 4th hit of Saturn opposing Uranus reaching exact (see April musing). It is also the Wesak full moon, which thins the veils between the dimensions and allows the masters to communicate and guide us on earth. Spend time in meditation, prayer, and contemplation through the coming days as the energies conspire to reap the greatest rewards, allowing you to dig deep and release what no longer serves you. I will add more in the coming days on the energies for May, as we enter some swiftly changing times for all. Namaste.
May 12th
"The times they are a changin'." ~ Bob Dylan
Exciting times are upon us. The last full moon was again very powerful and ushered in a time of deep release followed by the mercury retrograde bringing some profound inner reflection. As of today, May 11, mercury has moved direct. Things will begin to move forward slowly as we approach the new moon in Taurus on the 13-14th. This moon is ruled by Venus and will have us focusing on our values and desires in a new and deeper way, deciding at some very high spiritual levels what it is we want to create from this point forward. A new connection to the dimensional and earthly reality we have rooted into has been completed. This allows us to focus on our soul's love for beauty in new and prominent ways through this higher dimensional connection. This time now through the summer solstice is going to be bringing all that we desire and value into our lives, at a rate at which we can handle, as we begin to create anew in our newly arrived places and positions. It will begin as a gentle process of sprouting and blooming until the solstice, when things really begin to come to fruition in a new and bigger way.
The full moon at the end of the month in Sagittarius, will be about aiming and reaching high. Sagittarius' sign is the archer, who reaches for the unreachable, aims high and accepts no less. We are breaking out of our self imposed limitations and seeing the sky is the limit in what we can create individually and collectively. As June approaches we will have a changing of the guard involving two planets, Jupiter and Uranus. Both of these planets enter the sign of Aries. This translates as grand potentials and sudden changes as we individually and collectively move assertively forward, pioneering new ways of Being, new foundations and technologies. Exciting new changes and energies will be the norm and arrive full force with this full moon which closes out the month. Again, anything in our way must go.
May promises to be an important and foundational month, preparing the way for the second half of the year as new and abundant growth and circumstances enter our lives. We need to allow our courage, power and purpose to lead and become the agents of change in a world that is rapidly changing. Lightworkers have been living frugally, learning to trust in a higher power and place their security in spiritual areas, instead of material ones. Now it is time for the rest of humanity to "catch up", as the tumbling and crumbling foundations of the old world are providing the perfect circumstance for this to happen. It is our time to assist others as we move forward in bigger and better ways, towards the creation of our new earth. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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